A Day In The Life
by XxGaarasGirlXx
Summary: Tobi takes Deidara's scope. If that isn't reason enough to panic, then what happens next is. Akatsuki life revealed! Enter at your own risk.
1. Tobi

A Day In The Life

**Chapter One: Part I**

_Tobi_

O O O

It was relatively quiet in the Akatsuki compound that evening, of which most of the inhabitants were very grateful. It had been a very long and tiring week for each and every one of them, and the silent, peaceful atomosphere that seemed to drip from ever corner of the safe house was enough to make even the most bitter of them sigh and smile gratefully.

"_Se-mpai!!"_

That is until Tobi decided to go careening down the halls and yelling at the top of his lungs.

On the other side of the compound, Kakuzu smacked a hand over his eyes and promptly began to curse a stream of obsceneties that would have made even Hidan feel inferior.

Tobi skidded to a stop in front of the door he knew belonged to his bomb-obsessed sempai and knocked three times in quick succession. When he wasn't immediately granted access, he knocked again and bounced on the balls of his feet, glove-less hands fisting anxiously into the cuffs of the long-sleeve shirt he wore in favor of his Akatsuki cloak.

A muffled noise of acknowledgement sounded from the other side of the door and Tobi practically _bounced_ in, taking it as permission to enter. Recognizing the familiar lump on the bed, the rambunctious Akatsuki member made to jump on the mattress and tell his sempai of his kitchen adventure of successfully making pancakes without Kisame's help this time.

"Sempai! Tobi just--" Tobi skidded to a halt at the sound of Deidara's snore and smacked a hand over his mask where, underneath, his mouth was clamped shut.

After a second of silence, Tobi creeped forward and peeked over his partner's shoulder. Deidara's eyes were closed with his hair splayed out in all directions and his shoulders rose and fell with his deep breathing. Tobi spotted a small cut on his cheek from their previous mission.

"Sempai? Sempai, are you asleep?"

"Mmph."

Tobi cocked his head and stifled a laugh. "You look like a woman when you sleep, Sempai!"

One of Deidara's eyes peeled open and glared harshly at the orange masked man staring down at him. Tobi immediately back-pedaled a safe distance away - knowing that _that_ particular look meant death. "Tobi, shut the fuck up, yeah." he mumbled and closed his eyes again.

"Sempai is also very cranky when he wakes up. Just like a woman!"

Tobi yelped in surprise when a rather large pillow smacked him in the face and he tumbled to the ground when his foot got tangled in a discarded shirt littering the floor.

"I said shut-up, yeah! Go bug someone else!"

Tobi yanked the pillow off his face and adjusted his mask. "But Tobi made breakfast!"

"I want to sleep!"

"But--"

"_S-L-E-E-P!"_

Tobi watched with a hurt expression as his partner huffed and snuggled back into his blankets. He had made such perfect pancakes! His first time, too! And his sempai wasn't even going to get to see them. Tobi sighed and stretched out his legs to get back up to his feet. A clatter of metal on hard floor caught his attention and he glanced around until his one eye settled on a small device the size of his palm.

"Sempai's scope...?" he whispered to himself curiously, picking up the contraption and fiddling with the devices.

A whirring sound emitted from it followed by a bright flashing light and Tobi yelped once more in surprise, blinking his one eye. When the flashing spots didn't fade from his vision, he took of his mask and rubbed the dazed eye for a moment before testing his sight. Still blurry. With a slight frown, he set down his mask on the bedside table, deciding to leave it off for the time being.

He narrowed his eyes on the small contraption in his hands and flipped it over, inspecting the space that pressed over Deidara's eye. It was smooth, unlike the outer side where it was rough and slightly scratched. Pressing it to his own eye, Tobi grinned widely as he looked at everything through the sepia tinted lense. His fingers touched the small buttons and knobs on the scope and he grew even more excited when the screen switched from the sepia tint to a range of green shades, turning blindingly white when he turned his head to stare at the lamp. Night vision?

Twisting the knobs again, the lense turn to normal colors and he could see his blonde sempai snoring on the bed a few feet away. Tobi bit his lip, trying to decide if he should snap a picture or not. With a shrug he sneaked to the side of the bed and bent over the blond terroist. With a tap of his fingers on the dials, the picture was snapped and Tobi felt utterly delighted.

He had an idea.

"Sempai, can Tobi borrow you're scope?" he asked quietly, poking Deidara's shoulder.

"Ngh...mnn..."

"Tobi--_I_ won't break it! _Honest_!"

"No, yeah," Deidara groaned and pressed his face into his pillow-less bed, effectively ignoring his comrade.

Tobi cocked his head to the side and furrowed his brow in confusion. "Was that...a yes?"

His only answer was a soft snore as Deidara managed to fall back asleep peacefully and unaware of what was about to take place in the Akatsuki compound. Tobi took his silence for affirmation and proceeded to hop out the door, cradeling the scope in his hands.

Not too long after, complete hell broke loose througout the compound.

* * *

**A/N: **_Tobi getting a hold of Deidara's scope? Scary thought indeed. Wonder what kind of torture Tobi is going to put the Akatsuki through. And just so we are clear: I AM UP TO DATE ON THE CURRENT MANGA CHAPTERS, OKAY?! I know what's going down with Tobi and everything, but I can't help but write goofy Tobi. So it's fun, sue me. (not really, I don't have any money! Please don't sue me!) Another thing, just for the sake of this fanfic, Sasori IS ALIVE! Yeah, that's right, Sasori is living and breathing in all his puppet glory. Along with everyone else that has died in the anime. They live! *breaks into song* He lives in you! He lives in me! He watches over, everything we see! Into the water, into the truth! In your reflection, he lives in you! *ahem* ....That's it, no more Lion King for me for a week. *cries* I hate punishing myself like this! Please review?_


	2. Hidan

A Day In The Life

**Chapter Two: Part II**

_Hidan_

O O O

Tobi crept quietly down the long hallway leading back to the bedroom portion of the rather large house. Of all the safe houses that the Akatsuki took refuge in, having to move often so as to not attract _too _much attention, this was Tobi's favorite. In this particular compound, he was allowed his own bedroom as well as everyone else.

Leader seemed to think it cut down on the bickering.

He had searched through the kitchen area and underground training area and had found not a soul. Meaning most of the members were lounging either in their rooms, bathrooms, living room, closet, or some other secret place Tobi had yet to find but would _eventually _seek out.

A sudden crash and string of curses caught his attention and Tobi immediately sprinted to the scene, carefully hiding himself. _Just in case. _After all, you can never be too careful in a house full of psychos, murderers, and all around nut-jobs. Even Tobi knew this to be the basic of being a part of the Akatsuki.

It was with great amusement that the hyper S-class criminal found a very distraught and aggrivated Hidan. Of course that sight alone is never funny since when one is 'lucky' enough to find Hidan in such a bad mood, the best course of action would be turn to around and _run the fuck away. _Tobi knew this of course, he might be relatively new to the organization but it was no secret that Hidan could dish out a verbal beating harsh enough to make you wet yourself. It was just that Tobi had Deidara's _scope._

And somehow or another that seemed viable enough reason to hide behind the wall with his chakra complete suppressed to avoid detection and watch Hidan all but decapitate a tiny kitty sitting at his feet.

"I said _no _damnit!Now go fucking rub all over someone else!"

The small tabby cat meowed indignantly and proceeded to pace figure eights through the religous man's legs. Hidan sneered down at the mass of fur and pushed it away with his foot. The cat licked his toes as if he wasn't being manhandled by a foot bigger than half his body and yowled miserably when Hidan managed to roll it over on its back like a turtle.

"Ha! Take that you piece of shi--Hey! Cut that out!"

The cat had rolled over and pounced on Hidan's pants leg, crawling its way up with sharp claws and hissing the whole way. Hidan growled and yanked at the cat's ruff, but it refused to release the death hold it had aquired. It spit and hissed and gripped tighter into Hidan's leg.

"Ow! Fuck! That shit hurts, seriously! Damn!" Hidan yelled, using both hands to try and rip the cat from his pants. The cat squirmed and began scratching like crazy, shooting around and around on Hidan's body in painful, viscious zigzags that forced the pissed off criminal into a circling frenzy trying to catch the feline felon.

A few scratches and bite marks later, Hidan held the squalling kitty at face level and gave it a very dirty look. From Tobi's position behind the wall, he could _feel _the loathing drip from Hidan like liquid and he gulped, clutching the scope tighter in his palm. After a seconds' hesitation, he put it on and turned very slowly, adjusting the zoom and hovering his finger over the flash button.

"Now listen here you little pussy, I _hate _cats. So take your scruffy little ass _out of my room _and--"

Hidan's sentence was abruptly cut off as the now bitter kitten wrenched itself from the grip on his scruff and purposefully launched all four unsheathed claws at the masochistic man's face with an uncharacteristic feline-roar. Tobi could do nothing but stare in shock as the cat attacked with vengence. Was that even a cat? Or was it some mini-lion?

"_Fuck_!"

Shaking himself out of his shock, Tobi jumped out from behind the wall and with a loud "SAY CHEESE!" he hastily snapped the picture of a beserk Hidan yanking at a fluffball scratching his face to pieces. Fury boiled from every pore in Hidan's body, and as he caught a glance of the man standing in his room with Deidara's fucked up scope on his head, he lost it.

Hidan's curses and swearing to Jashin for revenge that would be _slow _and fucking _painful_ flooded the halls and ricocheted off the floors and ceiling behind a hysterically fleeing Tobi.

* * *

**A/N: **_Well, I don't know about you guys but I am _not ever _going to let Hidan near any animal of mine....Anyway! Sasori's up next! Please review!_


	3. Sasori

A Day In The Life

**Chapter Three: Part III**

_Sasori_

O O O

Sasori tilted his head to the side and eyed the puppet before him with a professional eye. Something was off. His artistic skills were ringing warning bells in his head that something wasn't quite right about the masterpiece --or a least _soon _to be masterpiece-- before him. Was it the mouth? No, the hinges were perfect, allowing flawless exit of numerous poisoned senbon. Then was it the eyes? No, not that either. They were dull and lifeless as they should be.

Then what _was _it?

The hands, fingers, arms? Maybe the screws weren't put in right. Sasori shook his head and sighed in frustration. No, it wasn't any of those things. The more he looked at it, the more it seemed perfect, but there was still that _something _prickeling at the base of his skull. He ran a deft hand over the puppet's forhead, brushing the strands of hair out of it's face and glared down at the contraption.

And then it hit him. The clothes.

This particular puppet was a beautiful piece of work and it didn't deserve to be dressed in such rags. It needed nice clothes, clothes that showed off it's magnificent artwork and graceful movements that he would undoubtly put it through. Only then would others be able to understand _true _art.

So it was without further ado that Sasori began digging through his trunk of extra puppet parts and discarded clothing for his weapons' decency. There wasn't much to choose from, which reminded him that he really _should _get some knew capes for the more mobile puppets since their old ones were reduced to nothing but shreds of fabric by now...

Aha! Perfect. Sasori pulled out a midnight blue piece of shimmery material that would be _perfect_ for the puppet doll waiting to be dressed on his worktable. After a few more seconds of shuffling in the trunk, he managed to produced a matching skirt...like...thing (really, he might be a puppet but overall he was still _male _and how was he supposed to know what these pieces of clothing were referred to by women?) and layed it beside the top.

He contemplated the idea of shoes but decided against it. There would be no need for them, after all.

Sasori took great pride in the work of art before him as he attached chakra strings to the puppet's limbs and made her stand. Her brown locks of wavy hair fell around her shoulders in a soft cascade of chocolate and was accentuated nicely by the color of her outfit if he did say so himself. Then again, he _was _looking at it from a biased point of view...Oh, well, it was still magnificent in any case and he took great pride in that fact.

His coral eyes glanced left and right before settling back on his puppet waiting patiently for orders, lifeless glass eyes staring at nothing and yet seeing everything. Sasori swallowed and twitched his fingers to bring the mannequin closer. A small smile lifted his lips as she followed his commands easily without any glitches or quinks in her movements. Wonderful.

Tobi tramped down the hall, sensing a pulse of chakra not too far away and tracked it to a workroom located far back in the compound. When his eyes took in the sight before him, it took all he had not to burst into peals of laughter and roll on the ground in a hopeless pile of hysterical humor. Biting his lip, his fingers twiddled with the controls on Deidara's scope, hurriedly trying to find how to capture video. Somehow, during his escape from a _very _pissed off Hidan, his hand had knocked against the device and had switched it to record.

Now if he could only find that again...Got it!

Silently, the giggling man pressed the record button and crouched to the ground to peek through the crack of the slightly ajar door. Tobi's one exposed eye was as wide as a dinner plate as he watched the puppetmaster waltz around the expanse of the room pressed intimately close to one of his pieces of artwork.

And he was _humming._

"You're so beautiful. I know I shouldn't pick favorites, but I can't seem to help it."

Tobi's eye twitched and he forced the scope to zoom in on the dancing pair.

"It'll be our little secret. Don't tell the others."

Tobi blew his cover. The laughter burst from him without warning and he smacked a hand over his mouth as he stared guiltly up at the--now dangerously still--Sasori.

"Uh...T-Tobi was just...um, Tobi was just leaving! Sorry to interrupt, Sasori-sempai!" Tobi managed to stammer out as his fingers quickly pressed the appropriate sequence of buttons to cut off the video recording and jumped to his feet. Lifting a hand in a quick wave, he felt his stomach drop painfully as Sasori all out death glared him.

If looks could kill, Tobi would've already been six feet under. With a kunai through his head.

"_Tobi..._"

"Gotta split!" Tobi said, quickly turning and sprinting away just as multiple chakra strings burst through the door way toward him--just barely falling short--and a massive wave of boiling chakra pulsated from Sasori in a rage.

* * *

**A/N: **_Well, I'm hoping this story isn't too horrible since I'm not getting a lot of feedback! Review please! Next up is *drum roll* KISAME!!!! Yaaaaaay!_


	4. Kisame

A Day In The Life

**Chapter Four: Part IV**

_Kisame_

O O O

"Tobi, why are you hiding in my closet...and with Deidara's scope?"

One dark eye blinked owlishly at him while the scope whirred into focus.

"...Tobi's--_I_'_m_ making sure...um, no one breaks into Kisame-sempai's room?"

Kisame narrowed his sharp, beady eyes on the unmasked man before him, trying not to show too much shock at seeing his face. After all, _that _wouldn't be professional, now would it? Though he would admit, Tobi looked nothing like what he thought he would. He had believed he would have some nasty scars of some kind, but there was only one faded cut on his left jaw, barely noticable as it clashed with his boyish features.

"Was that a question?"

"No?"

Kisame's short temper flared. "Would you quit fucking with me!"

Tobi jumped at his sudden outburst and scrambled further into the closet, fingers catching on a box stacked to the side to stop himself from falling over the items littering the closet floor. Kisame gave a look of pure horror and lurched after him, shouting as his hands tried in vain to stop the box from over-turning.

Tobi yelped as he tripped for the second time that day and banged his head on the closet's back wall. The box crashed in his lap, spilling its contents, and Tobi whispered numerous thanks to the Gods for not letting the box hit him in a very..._sensitive_ area. Kisame groaned and slapped a hand over his face, dragging it down and covering his mouth as his eyes stared guiltly down at the emptied box.

"Oh, God..."

Tobi cocked his head and looked down--wondering why Kisame looked throughly chastised. It was in that second that Tobi was confused beyond belief and he couldn't decide if he should laugh, run, or just continue to stare dumbly at the things littering the floor and his lap. He opted to carry through with the latter.

"Why does Kisame-sempai have pictures of sharks in bikinis?" Tobi asked very quietly, hardly daring to even breathe as his eye rose to stare warily at the towering man before him. Tobi swallowed.

Kisame snatched the box and picture clippings, magazines, and other personal paraphernalia from Tobi's lap and stormed to his bed were he purposfully dumped the belongings.

"Nothing," he grunted. "...it's...ah, fuel for a fire in the winter. I use it as a starter."

Tobi lifted himself to his feet and walked to stand beside Kisame. "Kisame-sempai's voice is shrill when he lies." he pointed out helpfully, grinning hugely up at the blue man.

Kisame glared harshly. "I'm not lying, you little fuck!"

Turning back to the 'shark porn', as Tobi dubbed it, his fingers pressed the flash on his sempai's scope and snapped a picture. Kisame abruptly whirled on him and grabbed his shoulders.

"What did you just do?! Did you take a _picture _of it?!"

Tobi gaped and managed to stammer out a quick, "No?"

"_Damn _it! Tobi, give me the scope. Now."

"Tobi can't do that, it's not Tobi's scope. Sempai would be mad at Tobi. Tobi--"

"_Tobi..._" Kisame growled, fingers digging into Tobi's shoulders. "No one can see this! Give it to me or I will _end you!"_

For whatever reason, the scope flashed again, taking a picture of a highly pissed and anxious looking Kisame with his mouth open--sharp teeth bared menacingly at the lens.

Tobi smacked a hand over the contraption, wincing when it pressed painfully against his face, and shook his head vigorously. "No!" He turned and ran for all he was worth, wondering why everyone seemed to want to _chase _him today. And why they wanted to kill him. Honestly, all he was doing was _trying _to make _memories_ here!

* * *

**A/N: **_I'm glad you guys are liking this story, and I hope you enjoyed Kisame's little...hobby hahaha. Anyway, next up! ZETSU!!!! Enter, cannablistic venus fly-trap from Hell's Gates! Review please! I love my reviewers!_


	5. Zetsu

A Day In The Life

**Chapter Five: Part V**

_Zetsu_

O O O

After running for what seemed like hours through the Akatsuki compound, Tobi slowed to a jog and then finally to a complete stop. Tilting his head, he listened for any sound that would fall into the category of pursuit and, when he didn't hear anything, let his chakra leak out and search for a source of energy closing in. Mainly one source that would be flared, agitated, apprehensive, pulsing and very, _very _angry.

Tobi didn't sense Kisame anywhere nearby. In fact, if his chakra was any indication, the sword's man was out in the yard looking around for his jumpy papparazzi in the surrounding foliage. Tobi grinned cheekily, grateful of the bunshin he had sent out there just for that purpose.

Without further ado, Tobi sauntered leisurely down the hall and out a side door that led to the greenhouse (also doubling as the lab) where he knew Zetsu would be, most likely bent over some form of experiment or new discovery. Which was all fine and dandy with Tobi because that meant he would be distracted and alone. And the most precious of memories were captured when the victim...er, person...was in their element.

It took a great deal of effort to sneak into the greenhouse/labratory, but when Tobi _did _finally manage to do it, he hid quite carefully underneath one of the many tables lining the walls of the room. The tops of aforementioned structures were littered with various documents, folders, test samples, tubes and numerous tinkering devices that would make a racoon go wild in attempts to touch the shiny objects.

Tobi forced himself not to touch anything.

He carefully drew his knees up to his chest and crossed his arms over them, resting his chin on his forearms. He could hear muffled steps in a matter of seconds and he tensed, masking his chakra perfectly, something he had, suprisingly, picked up from Deidara after a few months of being his partner.

"Pink, it turned _pink_ of all colors..." he heard Zetsu mumble and saw his feet pace in front of his table. "_I told you not to mix them._" Zetsu's darker side snapped.

Tobi swallowed and carefully pressed a series of buttons on Deidara's device. It made a soft whirring noise as it went into focus and he easily discovered the recording button this time. The scope and his one eye watched as Zetsu continued to pace back and forth, mumbling about a plant turning pink after a disasterous cross-breeding.

"Now it won't match."

Tobi tilted his head and scooted just bit closer.

_"Of course it won't match, it's _pink _for fuck's sake."_

"It's going to take another month to get the right color. Can't we just...?"

_"No! I want my blue flower necklace now."_

The Uchiha's brow furrowed. Blue flower necklace?

"But pink is a calming color," Zetsu reasoned. "It's soft and delicate."

_"For a pansy, it's perfect. But I want blue. It calms me."_

"Does it _have _to be blue?"

_"Yes it has to be fucking blue! Otherwise I get headaches!"_

"I think pink matches our skin tone just fine."

_"Then you wear the pansy pink! I want _blue!"

Tobi blinked repeatedly. Zetsu wanted a blue/pink _flower _necklace? After drawing a blank, he mentally shrugged and made to shut off the recording, stopping immediately when Dark Zetsu broke the silence.

_"Does pink match my eye color?"_

Tobi choked and hurriedly shut off the scope, already knowing the damage was done. He felt the air tense as Zetsu's sensitive ears picked up his almost silent noise and watched his feet turn in his direction. With a quick flurry of movements, Tobi tumbled out from under the table and made a show of searching the floor with muttered curses he learned from Hidan.

"Ah! There it is! Tobi found it!" he yelled triumphantly and bounced to his feet, spinning to face Zetsu with a wide grin. "Tobi dropped his eye contact, but he found it!"

A heavy, tense silence settled between the two, and Tobi fidgeted. After a moment, Dark Zetsu growled:

_"Let's see you put it in, then."_

Tobi stared, dumbfounded. "Uh...okay...?"

A few minutes later found Tobi stumbling from the greenhouse with a pot of flowers following close behind and crashing into the opposite wall. Tobi gaped at the mess before hurriedly sprinting down the hall, half blind from his watering eye (which he had poked with his finger in an attempt to convince Zetsu that he wore contacts) and the scope still latched onto his other eye, making it highly difficult to see past the red hue that had over taken the lense.

Turning a corner at top speed and heading for the staircase, Tobi slammed into a wall and reeled back, eyes crossing and hands stretched out as he tried to gain balance. When the world stopped spinning, he grinned and huffed pridefully and took a step....only to fall flat on his face and roll down a set of stairs.

It was proving to be a very painful and bruising day.

* * *

**A/N: **_*cringe* ....I wasn't too happy with this chapter. But, honestly, I had NO idea what to have Zetsu doing that would prove to be embarrassing and funny. What can a giant plant with split personality do? (Just kidding, I actually like that little flytrap!) *sigh* Oh well, I hope you forgive me, and that you'll like the next chapter more. Guess who's the next victim for Tobi to pounce on is??! DUN DUN DUUUUN! *drumroll* That's right! It's the one and only UCHIHA ITACHI!!! It will be posted tomorrow morning kiddies, so review now please! I love my reviewers!_


	6. Itachi

A Day In The Life

**Chapter Six: Part VI**

_Itachi_

O O O

Tobi should have _known _seeking out Uchiha Itachi would be a very, _very _bad idea. Instead of slinking through halls and humming spy music under his breath as he made his way slowly to Itachi's room, he should have just turned around and walked away because that's what he sorely wished he had done now.

Because Uchiha Itachi was _not _happy.

His most recent mission had been a failure. His eyes were going blind. His brother had _still _not come after him like he thought he would. And to top it off, Tobi just had to walk in when he was taking a nap and in the middle of a very _nice _dream.

"Ahh...T-Tobi's going to go...go feed the cat!"

"Tobi."

The shorter criminal gulped and glanced over his shoulder at the impassive Uchiha, red eyes seemingly glowing in the shadowed room. Oh, he _really _should've skipped over Itachi in his little quest. Besides, didn't Deidara dislike him anyway? So it wouldn't have hurt anything to do it in the first place! Tobi mentally whimpered. _Now _he was in for it.

Tobi spun on his heel and faced Itachi. "Tobi! Come here! What was that Deidara-sempai? Tobi's coming!"

As Tobi's hand rose in a quick departing wave, his fingers accidentally knocked the buttons on the scope and a bright flashed illuminated the dark room, blinding both inhabitants. Tobi gasped a shocked noise as he stumbled back and knocked his head on the doorframe, eye burning from the sudden onslaught of intense light.

This would have been the perfect oppurtunity to high tail it out of there before Itachi decided to rip him apart, but something caught his attention and Tobi stared across the room at said Uchiha.

"Oh my _God! _I'm _blind! I'm blind!!"_

Tobi remained silent as Itachi hands smacked over his eyes as he yelled and ran in a blind (pun intended) panic. His jaw dropped, not used to seeing the Uchiha act so...un-Itachi-like and shuffled by the door, wondering if he should help Itachi or just take a picture.

Take a picture.

Snapping a few more shots of the frantic Uchiha, Tobi smiled proudly, happy with his accomplishment. That is, until Itachi turned on his heel and ran full tilt toward Tobi with his hands still clamped over his eyes.

"Eep!" Tobi yelped and tripped over his feet in his haste to get out of the way. Instead of running straight into the hall like Itachi would have, as Tobi hit the floor, his feet hit Tobi's side and his body fell heavily to the floor, smacking his forehead on the doorframe on his way down. Tobi winced in sympathy.

"Oooh, Tobi knows that had to _huuuurt_," he mumbled, rubbing his own forehead on reflex. After a moments' silence, in which Tobi could hear Itachi's deep breathing, the unmasked Uchiha rolled out from under Itachi's legs and stood in the middle of the room. Tilting his head, he looked at Itachi sprawled haphazardly before him.

A sudden thought came to him and he immediately bent to rearrange the clan murderer's position. After a moment, he sat back on his heels and grinned at his work. Perfect. Without hesitating, Tobi snapped the picture, knowing his senpai would appreciate his art work later, and promptly skipped out the room to locate (here he mentally ran through a list of the members and grinned widely) Kakuzu!

Deidara-senpai was going to be so _happy _with Tobi after this!

* * *

**A/N: **_*pets Tobi on head* You little papparazzi you. Don't you wonder what kind of position he put Itachi in? Hahaha, next up, Kakuzu!!! Thank you to all that are reviewing, seriously, it makes me so happy!! So keep it up?_


	7. Kakuzu

A Day In The Life

**Chapter Seven: Part VII**

_Kakuzu_

O O O

Okay, so maybe finding Kakuzu as his next picture model was not a good idea. Considering that he had Tobi strung up by his ankles and was currently strangling him with thick threads that had been previously stitched through his body, Tobi regretted _ever _walking into his room in the first place. And what made it worse was that Kakuzu had nothing but a towel loosely tied around his waist and it was, at the moment, exposing a piece of anatomy that Tobi _really really _didn't want to see!

But he couldn't _say _anything because he was being choked! Upside down!

_(Twenty Minutes Previous)_

It was easy enough to sniff out Kakuzu, all Tobi had to do was go to the ancient man's room, knowing he would be in their because it was Bank Day for Kakuzu. The day that he spent alone in his room so he could count his precious money after a luxurious shower.

Tobi did not, however, know that Kakuzu had finished his shower and was spending quality time with his dollars already. So it was completely on accident that Tobi slammed into the room--thinking he could find a perfect place to get a good shot for his senpai before Kakuzu reappeared from the bathroom--and stumbled upon a very awkward situation.

Kakuzu laying on his bed in a pile of money. Stark naked.

Complete silence crashed around them as they stared at each other, one with a shocked look and the other full of surprise and embarressment, slowly but picking up speed turning into a murderous glare. Tobi opened his mouth to say something, anything, but all that managed to come out was a mere squeak which served to set everything back into motion.

Kakuzu leapt from the bed, blessedly snatching his towel from the bed and wrapping it around his waist--and coming at Tobi like a bull charging a red flag. Tobi had no chance from the very start so intense was his bewilderment and he was immediately snatched up by Kakuzu's threads and hung precariously from his ankles and neck upside down at eye level with the seething man.

_(Present Time)_

"What the _fuck _do you think you are doing!?"

"T-Tobi--_I-I-I _was just...the door...and tracking...and the scope flashy--PICTURE!"

As if reading his mind, the scope started snapping pictures like mad, flashing light brilliantly and forcing each criminal to see blinding white spots covering their vision. Kakuzu snarled and backed away, bringing Tobi with him thanks to the threads still holding the Uchiha up. Tobi cried out and wriggled, fingers pushing and punching buttons desperately in an attempt to stop the picture snapping.

The threads released him then and Tobi crashed to the floor with a sharp yelp and tumbled around Kakuzu's feet. When he glanced up, Tobi screamed in horror and scrambled to get away from the open bottom of the towel with a wide eye and flailing limbs. Kakuzu stumbled and, knees knocking forcefully against the edge of his mattress, fell backwards onto the piles of bills strewn over his blankets.

"DAMN IT TOBI!!"

"TOBI DIDN'T DO IT!"

The scope still continued to flash picture after picture as Tobi stood and spun in a confused circle, facing the bed then turning abruptly away after noticing Kakuzu's position--towel completely open now and laying on the money bundles on the edge of the bed.

"WHAT THE FUCK!"

Finally, thankfully, _mercifully _the scope stopped its onslaught of flashing and snapping and returned back to the red lensed hue. Tobi almost sobbed in relief. However, it was short lived as deadly threads wrapped around his throat and slammed Tobi through the bedroom wall, which thankfully wasn't reinforced with steal or concrete. Still, it hurt like hell.

"_I'm going to fucking kill your ass and feed your remains to Zetsu!"_

"_NOOOOO!!!!_"

Tobi's scream resonated through each and every hall in the Akatsuki compound, alerting all the members to his position and easily giving them access to reach him and tear him apart to their own likings. In seconds, the hall was packed with bodies and yells and curses and shocked stares at seeing a half-naked Kakuzu strangling an unmasked Tobi sporting his partner's scope.

"_Fuck, _Kakuzu! Put some damn clothes on, shit!" Hidan yelled indignantly, hiding his eyes in the crook of his elbow. "I don't want to see your nasty ass, seriously!"

Itachi pushed through the throng of members, sporting a pair of thick, rather _large, _blinder glasses and growled, "Where is he." in a dangerous tone. Tobi only managed to cough as the threads tightened around his throat.

Kisame shouldered to the front then, flanked by Zetsu and an agitated looking Sasori. "Let me kill him, damn it! I want to kill him! And then destroy that scope!"

"Take the scope first. Demolish it." Sasori snapped, glaring harshly at the choking man. "Burn the pieces afterward."

Zetsu eyed the two next to him. "Catch something of you, did he? _All the more reason to keep it." _

Kisame snarled at the walking plant. "He must've got something of you too if you're here, dipshit. Want us to broadcast live whatever he captured of you?"

Zetsu seemed to visibly pale (if that's even possible) and nodded quietly. "Fine. _Destroy it." _

"Fuck yeah!" Hidan grunted, lowering his arm cautiously just enough to see the upper half of Kakuzu and leaving his bottom towel covered half blocked by his arm. "Grab the scope and throw that little fucker out the window."

"Fine." Kakuzu growled and made to grab the scope. Tobi struggled frantically and sputtered, trying to get away from the hand shooting at him. In a moment's panic, he managed to perform a quick substitution jutsu and sprinted down the just as smoke cleared from where he had previously been standing and a small bundle of bills plopped to the ground.

"_FUCK!"_

In seconds, the halls were stampeded with very, _very _pissed off criminals and one terrified Tobi running full tilt for some form of shelter. The scope spazzed out once more, snapping pictures of his running feet and he glanced over his shoulder at the mob chasing after him and yelled frantically for someone to help as it took pictures of that, too.

It was completely unintentional that Tobi skid to a stop right in front of the one door no one was _ever_ permitted to step toe in. Leader's room. It just so happened that everyone at his back seemed to choose to not take knowledge of just what door they were in front of and promptly tackled Tobi through the door and dogpiled the Uchiha in a suffocating mass of curses and threats.

The noise of their scuffle was ear shattering and Tobi fought desperately to break out of the mob and make a break for it once more. For once, fate seemed to be working with him and Tobi stumbled from the pile only to pull up short and stare in shock at the sight before him and have a arm wrap harshly around his neck in a sleeper hold.

"No way in _hell _are you getting away before I sacrifice you to Jashin-sama you little fucker!" Hidan snarled. "First, I'm going to slit your throat, then I'm going to--"

"Hidan."

"Hold on! I'm threatening here damn it!" he snapped. "Then I'm going to gut you and leave your intrails out for the buzzards--"

_"Hidan!"_

"Augh! What the hell do you want!"

Hidan swung around and faced the mob at his back with narrowed eyes, still clutching a shocked and silent Tobi in his hold. Kisame dipped his head forward and gestured with his hand to turn around. With an impatient huff, Hidan turned back around, mid-curse, and stopped. Shell-shocked his arm released Tobi who stumbled forward a few steps and coughed, only to straighten and stare just like the other members were doing unabashedly.

The heavy silence was broken after a moment by Hidan sputtering an almost silent:

"...holy shit."


	8. Pein and Konan

A Day In The Life

**Chapter Eight: Part VIII**

_Pein and Konan_

O O O

"...holy shit."

Pein sat very still and very silent on the bed, the blanket pulled up to his waist and clutched harshly in one hand at his side while the other flexed against the sheets. Konan blinked at the mob staring back at her with wide hazel eyes, her side of the blanket clutched against her bare chest to try and salvage some of her modesty.

Most of the Akatsuki members standing in the doorway gaped openly while some opened and closed their mouths in attempts at forming words, only, what was there to say in a situation like this?

"Well, whaddya know! Leader was about to get some, seriously!"

Definately not that.

Kakuzu walked up behind his partner and wacked him on the back of the head with a steel hand, catching him off guard and making him fall to the ground. A mumbled 'fuck' was muttered from him as he rubbed the back of his head and stood on his feet, glaring seethingly at Kakuzu over his shoulder. Itachi removed his sunglasses and blinked, wondering silently if this was a side affect of the blindness as Zetsu, Kisame, and Sasori rubbed their own eyes in amazement.

Tobi gulped and made to rub the back of his head nervously, only his elbow brushed against the scopes' buttons and he mentally cried as it immediately snapped a series of pictures.

Konan sucked in a sharp breath and covered her eyes with one hand, still clutching the blanket with the other. However, it slipped slightly and everyone in the room got an eyeful of cleavage. One of the smartasses even whistled. Kakuzu later swore up and down it was Hidan. Repeatedly. With a questionable red hue staining his cheeks.

"Tobi's sorry! Tobi's so sorry!"

"Get. Out."

At Pein's murderous tone, the mob turned tail and all tried to squeeze out of the doorway at the same time. Needless to say, it didn't work, and they got stuck in the doorway in a mass of jabbing limbs and frantically shouted curses.

Pein's eyes narrowed and in seconds the mass of bodies was shot out of the room by a great force courtesy, of one pissed off Leader. Konan blinked away the spots from the brilliant flash and stared at her orange-haired partner.

"Pein...?"

He shook his head, irritated, and turned back to Konan with piercing eyes while one of his hands traced her jaw gently. "They're like a bunch of children." he muttered and pressed a soft kiss to her patient lips.

Konan smiled.

---

Outside, Tobi ran for his life through halls of the Akatsuki compound back to the room where it all started. Once bursting through the door, having momentarily ditched his hell-bent chasers, Tobi dove at the bedside table and smacked down his senpai's scope. It flashed once more, as if saying goodbye, and blinded Tobi for a few moments. Blinking, he felt around the floor for his mask, and once finding it, snapped it into place and sprinted out of the room just as the mob skidded around the corner and caught sight of him.

"GET HIM!"

* * *

**A/N: **_I thought I put a little footnote at the bottom of the last chapter, but I guess not! Anyway, last chapter I was going to ask what you guys thought about Hidan and Tobi there at the end haha. I think that was one of my favorite parts. That and back when Tobi stabbed himself in the eye trying to prove he wore contacts to Zetsu, then went and fell down the stairs._

_So with this chapter, I felt like I should go ahead and post it. Hope you liked it! Did you like everyone's reactions? Guess what, one more chapter left! And, of course, it will be Deidara! If you want the next chapter RIGHT AWAY, review. Because surprise! It's already written and waiting for you guys to demand it. I'll hold it hostage, believe me._


	9. Deidara

A Day In The Life

**Chapter Nine: Part IX**

_Deidara_

O O O

Deidara yawned and stretched on his bed, squinting his blue eyes lazily as he felt his muscles bunch and release beneath his skin. He hadn't felt this relaxed in a _long _time. With a sigh, he rolled over and groped along his bedside table for his scope and, once locating it, put it on and stood from the bed. It didn't take long to find a relatively clean set of clothes (he really _should _take a laundry day soon) and equally less time tie up his hair and head to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

All three sets of them.

Once having finished that, Deidara decided it was time for some food and made his way to the door. His fingers knocked against the scope as he swiped his bangs out of his eye, and at the contact, a panorama of rather disturbing pictures flashed before his eye and he promptly miscalculated a step and fell flat on his face (somewhere away from his senpai, Tobi rubbed his forhead distractedly, having felt a sudden sharp sting.).

"What the _hell, _yeah?!" Deidara shouted and scrambled to his knees. "Who fucked with my scope!"

His fingers pressed a series of buttons, effectively stopping the slideshow. Though he blanched when a picture of a naked Kakuzu, fury written all over his stitched face, remained in front of his eye like a beacon of torture.

"Holy _shit_!" he yelled, and fell over backwards in a poor attempt at escaping the image. The jarring impact of his body caused the scope to switch from the picture to a video and the blonde criminal watched in silent horror as his Danna waltzed around and whispered sweet nothings to a puppet. A _puppet. _How many times had Deidara told Sasori that he needed a girl? He didn't mean a fucking puppet!

Deidara grimaced and shook his head, making the scope switch yet again to pictures, only of Kisame this time. A enraged Kisame at that. In fact, it looked like Kisame was about to bite off the face of whoever was wearing his scope.

And then it him.

_"Sempai! Can Tobi borrow your scope?"_

_Tobi._

As if to confirm his sudden realization, a picture of said partner popped up in front of Deidara's eye. It was quick snap, as if Tobi was running out of the room just as the picture was taken. Oh he was going to _kill--_

The picture switched and Deidara stared dumbfounded at the picture before him. What...?

"Is that...Itachi?" he wondered quietly, staring silently at a passed out Uchiha. Though that wasn't the weirdest thing. Itachi was...well, he was sucking his thumb while the pointer finger on his other hand was stuck up his nose. His body was even folded into the fetal position like some little cherub.

Despite his anger, Deidara actually burst into a fit of chuckles at seeing his sworn enemy curled up like an infant. _Oooooh,_ the torture he could cause with this! Maybe Tobi wasn't so bad after all.

Ah, Tobi. Back to that, right.

Tobi had stolen his scope and had gone around taking various pictures and clips of the Akatsuki members. Granted it was genius, especially if used for extortion, but from the slightly gross pictures he had seen and fear-worthy video clips caught, he had to admit it made even _him_ unsettled. God only knows what else was caught on his scope.

And that last thought set Deidara into motion. Curiousity is a violent thing, really. It can eat a person up from the inside out and, really, who would want that? So it was only right that he look at what else was captured, right? Right.

---

An hour later Deidara stumbled from his room, red in the face and sides aching from laughing so hard as he made his way to the lounge room where he could feel the rest of the members lazing around in. Upon facing them, he broke into peals of uncontrollable laughter and all but collapsed on the floor at the sheer hilarity at having seen the exposed sides of numerous S-class criminals.

At hearing his sempai's laugh, Tobi whirled around and waved dramatically from his corner in the room. "Deidara-sempai! Tobi is--"

"Hey! No one said you could talk! Turn around and face the wall damn it, your still serving your fucking sentence!" Hidan snapped and launched his sandal at the unmasked shinobi's head.

Sasori glared from his seat on the couch. "You will not get your mask back if you continue to talk."

"I still say we break it," Kisame grumbled from his spot next to the puppetmaster. "He deserves it, the little shit."

Kakuzu nodded. "Agreed."

Deidara swallowed and gained back his breath. "You put him in time-out? What kind of sentence is that, yeah?"

"The only kind we're allowed to do. _Since Leader thinks we messed up the compound enough trying to kill him."_

Deidara glanced at Zetsu. "You tried to kill him?"

"The fucker took pictures and stuff of us!" Hidan yelled indignantly.

"By the way, Hidan, how's your pussy coming along?"

Complete silence as Hidan's eyes widened in disbelief before narrowing. "You little shi--"

"Or did it get into Kisame's box, yeah?"

The room erupted into a crescendo that made all the occupants wonder if they were going to be deaf afterwards. Shouts and threats were made and a few punches were thrown, but after Deidara's declaration that if anyone so much as laid a hand on him he would send out all the copies he made of the pictures and clips to every hidden village in a heartbeat unless they followed all his demands without complaint, the room quieted once more and Deidara grinned mischeviously at the head of the room.

"Now," he looked each of them in the eye. "first thing, Sasori-danna, we're putting you on restriction from your puppets since I feel you are getting a little to close with them, yeah. If you need to train, you can use Tobi as a temporary substitute until I feel you are fixed."

Tobi paled and broke into a cold sweat at Sasori's murderous smile. Granted he was wanting to rip his apprentice to pieces for taking away his weapons, but then again, he didn't want all the shinobi after his head to see him in a special moment with his puppet. And besides, getting to all but kill Tobi during training would make up for it. A least a little.

"Second. Hidan, we are _never_ getting you a pet. Period. And you're also going to take anger managment courses, yeah."

"What the _fuck!"_

"Won't help with him being an annoying assfuck."

"Kakuzu will be joining you in those classes."

Hidan smirked at his partner. "Guess we are going to be spending even _more _time together, cocksucker."

"Kisame, you need a hobby, yeah. Other than collecting suggestive pictures of marine life. " Deidara shuddered. "I lost my last meal over those pictures."

The blue man turned violet from blushing and gritted his teeth. "...."

"As for Zetsu and Itachi, you guys just need help. That's why tonight we are heading into town to the tavern and picking us up some girls, yeah. Leader and Konan won't be joining us since we all know they are perfectly...capable of keeping themselves occupied with constructive doings. At least one of the men under this roof is taking the initiative." Deidara continued, crossing his arms over his chest. "Now, any objections? Of course not because that would mean you wanted me to send out the copies." he smirked, blue eyes dancing as he answered his own question.

Tobi, figuring it was safe to turn around now, piped up with shining black eyes. "What does Tobi get, sempai?!"

Deidara contemplated for a minute before smiling widely at the hyperactive criminal. "You, Tobi, get to take more pictures tonight, yeah."

The room broke into aggrivated groans and muttered curses. Oh, how they would _destroy _those two, and their little scope too!

---

In the top of the Akatsuki compound, Pein rolled his ringed eyes and turned off the mircophone that connected his speaker to the lounge room. Dragging hand over his pierced face, he grunted and stood from the chair.

"How the mighty have fallen," he sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. Konan walked into the room then and joined him, fixing him with her liquid gaze with a gentle smile. Her hand rose and brushed some of the orange strands away from his forhead, her fingers raking against his scalp as she dragged it to the back to his neck.

He shuddered under her touch and his eyes drooped, dulling slightly with lust.

"How the mighty have fallen indeed." she breathed, and pressed her lips to his, hands slowly but confidently bringing him closer to her so that _she _could have the control this time.

Pein mentally sighed at the thought of his members, though. They had once seemed so dangerous and formidable apponents. Now? Now he wondered if they were even up to the task of stealing a child's_ lollipop_. Funny how things changed, but he knew he would have to deal out some high dosages of pain in order to get them back up to par.

Konan unbuttoned his cloak and pulled it off of him and Pein pushed his previous thoughts away. There were more important things at hand that had to be dealt with, after all. The Akatsuki could wait.

* * *

**A/N: **_And we are FINISHED, that was the last chapter! Weeee! *pulls string and dances as balloons and confetti fall whilst music blares from nowhere* Wasn't that a great run? I hope you guys enjoyed it as much as I did. Who know torturing Akatsuki could be so fun? I sure didn't! But I most certaintly won't forget now that I got a taste of it. _

_What did you guys think of Tobi being in time-out? And of Deidara's reaction? In fact, why don't you tell me what you thought of the whole damn thing, yeah? (yes, so meant to sound like Deidara there) Anyway, please review! Long reviews are very much appreciated! You guys know I love reviews! ....please?_


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